3grace`05 sux

i hate it lorr. i cnt std it. i dun lyk controlling my own life either. in the first place if there wasnt any rules den every1 cn live happily. rite. i may b in control. but im not exactly in control. in the end i still haf to control it ard others. im so fuckin pissed. i hate my dumb non existant life. i hate my freakkin life. y did everything go so well last yr. y cnt i juz 4gt it n juz flunk at least sth. den i wun b here rite nw at least. dn i wun b pissed with my fuckin class. or pissed with my suckin self.or pissed with the dumb teacher. again. i gt no idea wads his freakin prob lorr. kb. everydayy go kb us lorr. its lyk he love our class izzit. love it so much y dun he juz go b a dumb student den study in our class lahh. pls lorr. its nt lyk our class was aa or anything lorr. lyk my class ever will. wtf. den he juz walk in den start kb-ing. n its lyk we're nt in ug lorr. so no need to keep sayin sir sir sir de lorr. wth. if he lyk it so much den wear his ugly uniform everyday lahh. den every1 will start callin him sir le lorr. kb. y cnt there juz b some sort of place dat ppl cn escape to. reality sux. i noe i have been lying to myself the entire yr. self delusion. yahh. but dats the only wayy i cn actually stay sane. but lately every deception i made has a hole. so i cant avoid dem any longer. i hardly ever thought of crying. but juz today i nearly cried thrice. once was in sch. during physics free period. i tried to lie to myself agn. but it didnt work. lately its juz nt workin anymore. shimin was beside me. den i didnt really wanna cry anw. so i juz shut up n pretended to read a book. den the fuckin teacher came in den i felt lyk attitude-ing him. dat tym juz v ji dong lorr. den every thing he said i came up with 10 sentences to rebutt him. its lyk i was fucked up enough already. den i was thinkin.. internal suspension den suspend lorr. i dun give a damn. but i juz tolerated it. cos somehow i was too frustrated to even open my mouth den i juz glared at him. but he nv look at me. so he juz walked out leavin us standin dere lyk freakks. n my class is dead. yahh. there's no life to it. its a dead class. den later in the mrt gg home dat tym i noe i was darn quiet lahh. but i was juz thinkin alot lorr. den i gt dat dumb cryin feelin agn. when ur eyes get hot den u feel lyk cryin. but i controlled it cos anet was there. n i didnt wanna cry in the train infront of every one in the dumb train. den suddenly i wanted to go home n juz cry lyk shit. but 73 de line was so fuckin long. den i chg my mind. i wanted to walk ard tpy until i gt so darn freakkin tired so i cnt think anymore. hmm. but anet need to go home. so we juz go back there den waited for 73 to leave so we took the less crowded bus. den at 1st i was distracted so i nv think. den when anet left i juz sat there n read wad i wrote in the mornin when i was pissed. den i felt lyk cryin agin. n i really nearly cried. den since the bus reach my hse le n my parents were home so i juz act cheerful agn. 3 times. fuck. i hate it lorr. i hate cryin in the 1st place. so i still cnt believe i actually felt lyk doing dat freakin thing. den thru out chem i was nt listening. so. wow. im really gonna fail my chem. flunk with such damn fuckin colours.den my parents are gonna klb agn. n their gonna start the 3 hr long lecture abt being 20sth in class agn. its lyk pls lorr. wad cn i do. im in 3grace`05. so too bad. they shld b happy im not actually the last in class. n b grateful im 20+ le. y muz i take a math in the 1st place. y muz i take pure chem. its nt lyk im gg to b a idiotic scientist. arghh. this is my most vulgar entry so i advise phebe nt to read it.