im useless. really freakin useless. i cnt do anythg rite. n my throats killin me. n i still hav to go sch tml. my dad wun even trust me. he think's i'll pon tml. pls lorr. if i pon where else cn i go. i cnt go shoppin riite. 9 am. all the shops r close. wth? he insists on sendin me to sch tml. n sendin me home. cos he scared i'll run off or sth. its lyk. he's nv done this b4. he doesnt have to start now. scratch dat. i dun wan him to start at all.
i woke up at 3 sth. act. no. i woke up at 11.30. but i started thinkin abt those stuff so i decided its still early n went back to slp. dn at 1+ or sth. my phone started ringin. so i woke up nn started thinkin agn. dn i off my phone n went back to slp. slpin is supposed to solve all probs. i dunno. but its not. i wake up n its worse. i even watched wishing stairs juz to freak myself out to stop thinkin. noe wad? tt show isnt in the least bit freaky. the only person hu freaked was my sis. i think she's thinkin of sendin me to mental hosp. im lyk. one min smile at her nxt min dao her. nxt min scold her. i forced her to watch wishing stairs too. maybe she was scared of me. i dunno. but she listened to me n watched.
i dunno wads wrong with me today. sometyms i'll juz feel lyk cryin. dn when i nearly do i dun feel lyk anymore. the only thg i cn do is watch tv. i duno. but whn i watch tv it feels lyk everythg's alrite. or at least. gg to b alrite. dn when the show ends. i juz go back to reality. n the pain of dat gets worst everytym.
see. i told u i duno wads wrong with me. i feel lyk sortin everythg out. n when i do. i gif up. theres too much. n i gt sick of it. so i'll leave it sorted out halfwayy dn do sth else. the entire prob is nt dat i dun wanna go thk abt dem. its cos there's too much n i duno where to start. im nt avoiding my probs cos i can. im avoiding them cos its the only thg i cn do. its nt dat i wanna leave thgs liddat. its juz dat everythg's blurred tgt. n its too tangled for me to untangle it. ignorance is bliss. gdbye my blissful life. haha. i decided to call ah ma. shes gd at crappin. x))
look.iduno.ijuzduno.ihateseeinulidatbticnthelpit.idunowadtodo.iwishicldlpu.ydidithaftobme.sorry.imreliuseless. nitsntjuzcosott.theressthelse.alototherelse.butiduno.itoldu.icntthk.see.mygrandmasawmecry.haiis.thistymimreallydead. shetoldmydad.ohhman.imdead.gdbye to my freedom oso. or maybe he'll finally send me to sch everyday. wadever. i dunno.
icntbelieveimactuallycryin.
i woke up at 3 sth. act. no. i woke up at 11.30. but i started thinkin abt those stuff so i decided its still early n went back to slp. dn at 1+ or sth. my phone started ringin. so i woke up nn started thinkin agn. dn i off my phone n went back to slp. slpin is supposed to solve all probs. i dunno. but its not. i wake up n its worse. i even watched wishing stairs juz to freak myself out to stop thinkin. noe wad? tt show isnt in the least bit freaky. the only person hu freaked was my sis. i think she's thinkin of sendin me to mental hosp. im lyk. one min smile at her nxt min dao her. nxt min scold her. i forced her to watch wishing stairs too. maybe she was scared of me. i dunno. but she listened to me n watched.
i dunno wads wrong with me today. sometyms i'll juz feel lyk cryin. dn when i nearly do i dun feel lyk anymore. the only thg i cn do is watch tv. i duno. but whn i watch tv it feels lyk everythg's alrite. or at least. gg to b alrite. dn when the show ends. i juz go back to reality. n the pain of dat gets worst everytym.
see. i told u i duno wads wrong with me. i feel lyk sortin everythg out. n when i do. i gif up. theres too much. n i gt sick of it. so i'll leave it sorted out halfwayy dn do sth else. the entire prob is nt dat i dun wanna go thk abt dem. its cos there's too much n i duno where to start. im nt avoiding my probs cos i can. im avoiding them cos its the only thg i cn do. its nt dat i wanna leave thgs liddat. its juz dat everythg's blurred tgt. n its too tangled for me to untangle it. ignorance is bliss. gdbye my blissful life. haha. i decided to call ah ma. shes gd at crappin. x))
look.iduno.ijuzduno.ihateseeinulidatbticnthelpit.idunowadtodo.iwishicldlpu.ydidithaftobme.sorry.imreliuseless. nitsntjuzcosott.theressthelse.alototherelse.butiduno.itoldu.icntthk.see.mygrandmasawmecry.haiis.thistymimreallydead. shetoldmydad.ohhman.imdead.gdbye to my freedom oso. or maybe he'll finally send me to sch everyday. wadever. i dunno.
icntbelieveimactuallycryin.
