alrite. my computer won. i was contemplatin if i wanna on e com or study. in e end. i switched it on. den. i wdred if i should go blog. after all nothing really happened today. but i saw my aiai's tag and went her blog and found this irresistible urge to blog. screw her. so anyway. i got jealous or is it envious, of her. cos her blog's really entertaining. i mean like. i so do not intend to make my blog entertaining. i just ENVY her of her english. apparently my english vocabs slackened a lot. and if you're wondering why i'm taking pains to type in such a proper manner, it would be because i'm trying to punish myself for my EL CT. i still haven gotten over it yet. and i went popular with jolene today and saw the book she was talking about. the happiness book. yeah, happiness book. it teaches you to be happy. sorta interesting. anet has it, so im getting it from her. i saw this page on forgiving yourself. and i thought of my EL test. and yah, i couldn't bring myself to forgive myself. all i saw was e heading. so i intend to read it and see if i should still beat myself up over that test. anyway. here's the real reason why i wanna blog. cos i couldnt keep it in any longer. okay. two things actually. the bad one first.

i really don't know how to react. i mean. she's my friend. but. maybe i'll really do wad cheyenne's gonna do. i said, its her choice. so i have no say in it. chey said, but its also my choice to talk to her or not. and at that time i din agree. doesnt mean i am now. i still will talk to her. HOW CAN I NOT? she's my darling. HAHA. just that. its okay for me to bear that grudge. and i'll make sure she know's im bearing that grudge. i cant bring myself to hide things from her. lol. i can proudly say that i have never hid a single thing from her all these years. yes. im such a saint. aww. so i will not blame her and those grudges i bear will not be upon her. it will be on THAT OTHER ONE. yes. and really, hopefully aiai and anet gets this. seriously, i thought this was over. but now its all coming back. thank you, darling Other One. i've decided to call you DOO for darling other one. and TOO for the other one. i'll let you decide what you want to be called. democratic country, proud democratic citizen. riiight. national day. so anyway. i've decide to direct all hard feelings to you. it is unfair, since you're practically clueless but it is fair, since you started it.

alright. that made me sound so blatantly bitchy catty. so here's the good thing i wanted to blog about. i've gotten over being pissed with you!! ahahaha. i know im not the kind to dislike people for long. so i got worried when it had been so long and i was still pissed with you. but im glad its over. i cant stand being pissed at you. like. you're constantly on my mind. and it totally sucks to have a person you dont like on your mind. its alot better when the person on your mind is some1 pleasant. dont ask me why and how it happened. God knows. i just woke up one day and found you pretty and funny and refreshing. whatever that means. at least now i just cant stand D/T OO. its good. x)) haha.

guess im better off studying now. i've got phy and chem lined up for me. on the same day. and i really wanna do well for my CT. its an assurance that i at least will not flunk my olvl, and yet, i've screwed my english paper. and i'll most probably screw my amath, chem, phy. according to people, if i think that way, i'll screw it. so i have to think positively, so i'll pass it. but i really did badly for my midyrs. its all maths and science's fault. no point crying over spilled milk. i'll just do well for this CT. and surprisingly, i do better when the exams only test on sec 4 work. once there's sec 3 syllabus, i'll most probably flunk it.