im getting a little weird. becoming un-wenqi-like. to the point of being obsessed. i dunno if its one of my drama moments, but im wishing it is. there's so much gg on and thats prob y im liddat. and im obsessed over alot of stuffs. i dun even noe who i am alr.

its like, all 16 yrs of my life, i've nv hated anyone. i've only really disliked or whatever. but now i do. yah, shocked e hell outta me, but i do. and i dunno if im turning evil or not cos whn aaron and my clique and e robinsons ppl and whoever, called her cheap, and that her teeth or mouth whatever was disgusting, i felt damn happy. to e point of exhilaration. and i dunno. i just. really hate her. to the point that i dreamt of her dead. i mean, me killing her. or threatening her or whatever bullshit my brain can cook up. and the thing that scared me was, i couldnt wait for her to die. or at least, just leave my life and let me think i've never known her. uh, them. whatever.

and thats nt the only thing im obsessed about. im relieved that ppl ard me dun like her also la, but tts not the point. i still think im scary and i suddenly have no idea who i am. and. ever since that bloody night where i either went insane or got possessed, the night where i scared anet and she told me to stop being liddat, i nv dared slp alone. i'll drag someone to slp w me in e room. except ytd. where aaron called me n we talked till 4 or 5 liddat.

i dunno what's happening to me. so i conjured up some bullshit that im stressed. cos i'm actually really sick of studying, going thru the whole studying process, memorizing stuffs, and doing the tests. im really tired of all that. and im hoping that i'll be able to tolerate and perservere till the end of As. and not give up halfway like my olvl hist paper, where i gave up and only read china. but i refuse to go to some poly and get some diploma.

snob? maybe, but i really dont care how ppl see me now. whether im bitchy, hateful or insane or even scary or evil, i suddenly dun give a damn anymore. i mean, what's e point of hiding hu i m n den obsess over it till i end up in a mental hosp. if im really evil den ppl shld noe right? so they can all stay away from me and not get hurt. cos i've hurt at least 3 ppl within thisweek.

im still trying to get over that night. where i even scared myself. i din noe i was that evil or sth. im convinced i was possessed cos it was a little aft 3am and that i felt weird. but i dunno. my sis said its cos im stressed and maybe i have dep or im gg insane. either which, ppl shld stay away frm me. esp that motherfucker. i dun wana be some murderer.

ohyes, i've also hurt my soulmate cos i finally told her. she's hurt partly cos she was one of the last i told. and.. i noe she shld hv been one of e earlier few to noe.. but i cldnt tell her. and, fuckit, im making excuses for myself. see. told u all i've been doing is hurting ppl.

im glad ur still there, but i noe, u wun b there forever.