i.. din noe if i wanted to type this here, or in the other one. but since everyone somehow knows alr, there's no point in hiding thgs here and there. i guess.

i was okay alr. until i went to watch devil wears prada. its like. since quite long ago, whenever i fin watching a movie or fin watching a serial, i'll call you. i call to make myself less emo, and u are and u'll be the only one who unds how shows have an impact on me. this time. aft watching, i flipped my phone open. stared at my wallpaper. den reminded myself who ur out w, and flipped my phone back.

i cant call anyone else. trust me. i went thru a list of ppl in my mind. so i started reminiscing. and now im super emo. gg thru phases of regret, hurt, and zi ze. am i that blind? that unlucky? no one will ever treat me the same way u treated me. i'll nv be able to open up to ppl the same way i did. i'll nv trust anyone the way i did. i'll nv be able to rely on anyone the same way i relied on you. i'll nv ever be as close to anyone. i'll nv be able to crap about my da dao lis and ask those qns tt have no ans again cos no one will listen, without saying, wenqi, u think too much, except u, who was the only one who wld entertain me if i started thinking complicatedly. no one will say im smart, be proud of me, and bother bout me whn i get unreasonable and ridiculous and not ignore me the moment i ask unanswerable qns. i'll nv be able to keep quiet on the phone and do my own stuffs and clingin onto the phone to feel that there's someone there to pei me without the person saying eh, talk lehh.

its ur loss if thgs are liddat and we're no longer frens? really. ur loss? or mine. wenqi, what you lose is someone who's nv treated u as a fren. u noe tt, u noe u were all along treated like a gf. what u lost is someone who's nv treasured this frenship. nv treasured the past 4 yrs. what u've lost is someone who's nv even saw u as a fren. what _'s lost is someone who truely cares. someone who treasured the frenship, and everyth ur have been thru. that's what everyone tells me. i.. believed it. but not now. i think its both our loss. maybe its mine. its quite hard to carry on w my life without u in it. its suddenly so. empty. and im so not used to it. like. just now. all along i've always called u to crap bout the shows i watched. forced u to listen to me, went on and on yakking abt nth, until the after-effects of the show's faded. u told me u loved listening to me just go on and on abt nth. i nv treasured that.

time. time's cruel. yet nice. time heals. yet time hurts. ..too close tts why those thgs happen. cos too close, tts y whn 1 do sth hurting, e other'll hurt super badly. cos too close, everywhere will be tt shadow n u just cant accept e fact tt _'s nt putting u as 1st priority anymore. all these really need time. time will either let u both b frens agn or let both of u b strangers... if we were tt close, den why m i so easily replaced?

..ppl go from strangers to frens to close frens, to best frens, den enemies(some ppl skip this stage), den strangers.. must we? den why isit that no one else goes thru the same thing. they'r new frens.. will sure be curious of each other's character de. so sure hang out more often ma. means wad? in a few yrs both of u will disintegrate too? i wonder if every relationship u have ends up this way. why's time this way.

i keep thinking and thinking. reminiscing actually. not really thinking. about all the thgs tt's ever happened before. about all the things tt were so obvious but i either din see or chose not to see. thought abt all the thgs u said. all the thgs u used to say. tot abt how i used to be like. tot bout how much i've changed. how much u've changed. how much our att towards each other changed. how our tone whn talking to each other changed. i read thru all my diaries, my past entries. ur past entries, and tried to rmb ur organizers. stopped, paused and cried at the heartbreaking stuff. laughed at the dumb, hilarious childish stuff.

im strong. i see it now. i noe why u say tt now. but what u din noe was tt whenever u said i was strong, there was alot of acting and bullshitting behind it. alot alot. im not torturing myself by looking thru all those stuff. i just prefer living in the past. i prefer looking thru the stuff and look at it in a diff way. see the same thgs and events tt happen, but with a diff view. ans all the qns i asked but no one cld answer.

i can like, write a book with the memories that keep coming up. really, no one will be able to treat me better den u did. thgs happen for a reason thou. i dunno wads the reason yet. but i guess God wanted me to be independent. i lived 13 years without u. i lived 13 happy, independent yrs without u. i believe i can again. believe in cheng jing yong you and not tian chang di jiu right? so yah. i lived 13 happy yrs without u. 4 even happier yrs with u. and i guess, the next 70 abit below happy yrs without u.

God created sadness because without sadness, no one will know they're happy. haha. that's the only phrase i believed in since sec 2, and needs no reminder to rmb it. unlike the 1 min of sadness and losing 60 sec of happiness. tt one u remind me le den i rmb.

in five yrs, will this matter?
one day it'll just come and you'll know tat its over. give time some time.
dun think so much can! can no prob alr.
i think ur taking this too seriously alr.
u can promote u emo for wad. ppl cant promote they emo den okay la.
wenqi! u got so many other frens who keep asking u out everyday la. why u go bother about some loser who only goes out with one same person every single day?
events change ppl. and ppl chg every single second


I don’t want to be with you forever. I NEED to be with you forever. I wont cry if you leave me, I’ll DIE. =)
I told myself its your character that you dont care, and its everything of you that I love! =)
wenqi. – wad do you do when the only person who can make you stop crying was the person who made you cry?
you were perfect, are perfect, will forever be perfect. – nobody is perfect until you fall in love w em.
I wana say – the hardest tng to do is to watch the person you love love somebody else.
a difference of tone in just 10 msgs over 2 years, and I wondered if thgs wld chg for the better if I gave you up.
to me, meeting you is the happiest tng that happened in my life. IT STILL IS. =) my csm leii!
55. (cant type out). but i did right. and u lied.
73. hmm. i stared at it for quite long.
how isit that we could be right next to each other but I cld never fathom wad ur thinking?
100. isnt tt wad ur doing now? but w a diff person la.
I wana take care of you. tell me you don’t know how much I love you cuz I’ll tell you I love you more than life itself. I’ll protect you and not let anyone hurt you as long as im around. E more I look at you, the more I fall for you. e more I talk to you, the more I feel for you. The closer I get to you the more I love you. The more the time I spend w you, the more attached I get to you. hmm. ur quite good at lying, huh.
when we had this really serious drift, and it din hurt for you nt to talk to me. Yupp. In short, we were drifting like, really far and fast…
148. u'll say e exact thg to someone else. hah. think i hear sth breaking. and it suddenly hurts. i'll be one of the no-matter-whos.
those two days that u were absent, I held onto the karabiner everywhere I went. Your dogbone karabiner. Lol. Mmm. It was e only way tt I cld.. uh. ‘have’ you there w me? Lol.

both of us knew that this wld be the best frenship ever. so why's everyth still liddat?