hmm. frens forever. who believes in this shit anymore.

i rmb all those 4 ams, 6 ams, when we said those "this wld be the best frenship ever" shit. when we said those, "i'll nv leave. even if u whack me, hate me, etc, u cant get rid of me". and at that godknowswhen time, whenevr u heard tt, u wld be so freaking happy.

all those 4ams and 6ams. all the thgs tt happened btwn us, thg tt we nv bothered telling others abt. thgs where now i tell others abt, they give me blank faces. thgs like vacation. that word. i dunno if tt word still means anyth to u.

i dun und. i noe i've hurt u. but how i hurt u, how badly i hurt u, what i did, nth was compared to this. i still came back whenever i said i was gone. i chged every leaving to vacation. i hate myself now. i shld nv have tot abt how u felt, shld nv have fallen for al ur hurt and pity acts, shld nv have allowed myself to ever-
hmm. there's no point sayin all those now right. i shld have been hardhearted. shld have been heartless. shld have been like laila and yitian.

den i wldnt be hurting now. i just cant believe it la. im mean, im a bitch, im damn evil. ur nice, not mean, and u'll nv hurt anyone. so why isit that u can do sth even im not capable of doing.

haha. all those 6 am stuff. all those sleepless nights we had. all those hanging up den preparing to go sch. all those millions of stuff we talked abt, all those millions of stuff we promised each other, all those millions of stuff we said to each other. they were all crap. meant nth to u.
ohwait. i forgot. if the past 4 yrs cld mean nth to u, of cos all those wld mean nth to u too.

my 3 yrs of sec sch. wasted on a person like u. my energy, time, etc, everyth. even my brain cells. im a selfcentered, spoilt, selfish girl. why the fuck in the entire world did i give up so much, and do so many thgs for u. omg. why the fuck did i even degrade myself. im disgusted. not at u. okay, obviously at u. but at me as well. i dont hate u. i refuse to. i refuse to waste anymore time thinking bout u. hating u, means im still thinkin bout u. so yupp. i refuse to hate u.

u know what? ur not able to promote? that might not be a bad thing. i'll have 1 whole yr of not seeing u. which is good. i'll be able to conc on my a lvls without worryin bout u screwing it up for me like how u unsuccessfully screwed up my summertest and midcourse.

im a lucky girl. always have been. God has always been w me. all these cld have happened last yr. den my o lvls wld have been screwed up. all these cld have happened next yr. den my a lvls wld have been screwd up. im actually damn lucky.

what's the point of holding on to a friendship that was nv there. hmm. everyone's right. there's no point. and all those memories that i keep having. those thgs which i rmb and u dont. those memories that haunt me but leave u alone? i'll decide later on whether i'll rmb them as u really treating me as a fren, rmb them as how they were, rmb those words u said to me like u really meant it, or rmb them as crap, and a bunch of bullshitting lies.

ur blog, ur frenster. everyth. i dun even dare to go view it. i saw u added me a comment. saw the disp pic. saw tt it was u and her. i wonder how much ur frenster and blog has changed. wonder how many photos u have. cos u used to have v v little. maybe now its like, 50+ pics? and all of them taken with her. wonder if ur featured fren has changed. maybe im not in it anymore. ur blog. it chged alr. tt i noe. i dun even need to view it to noe.

u nv took pics w me. u always complained u dun have a pic w me but u nv nv nv took photos w me. and now u keep taking photos w her. hmm. whatever la. im glad i resisted the temptation to go view ur profile when i saw ur disp pic changed. glad i did. quite proud of myself.

all ur pw. i noe u said u wldnt chg ur pw. but i also noe u can lie damn well. so.. yah. i dunno. if ur really still human, u wld keep them. but den agn, i dunno. i wun go try to see if u've chged it either. the truth will be too painful.

yah, well. that's it. ive wasted enough time.